Americans of all ages have a difficult time admitting that we are feeling overwhelmed. More than 100,000 Americans a year die of drug-involved overdoses, which is more than double the number who perish in car accidents. At the same time, the suicide rate has skyrocketed over the last two decades; an American dies by suicide every eleven minutes, with people over the age of 85 (especially men) having the highest rate of suicide. We’re seeing this manifest itself across the generations, as people struggle in different ways.
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy calls the epidemic in mental health problems the “defining public health crisis of our time.” Earlier this month, Murthy told NPR that “social disconnection” substantially increases our risk not just of suffering from depression and anxiety, but also from cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke and premature death — due to both suicide and physical disease.
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For a new approach to this problem, our community needs to look to Jewish tradition, which places great emphasis on the role that young people and grandparents play in each other’s lives. During this Mental Health Awareness Month, which coincides with both Older Americans Month and Jewish American Heritage Month, we need to explore ways to strengthen ties between the generations in the interest of improving mental health and well-being for all.
We both work at the Jewish Federations of North America; one of us strengthens the network of mental health and well-being resources that are available for young people through the BeWell Initiative, and the other directs the Center on Holocaust Survivor Care and Institute on Aging and Trauma.
The two of us have very different vantage points on mental health issues facing the Jewish community. We recognize that there are significant differences between the age groups that we work with. For instance, online bullying is more of a factor impacting youth well-being. Older adults, by contrast, often suffer from isolation when friends and family pass away and when their mobility is limited due to lack of transportation or physical limitations.
But there’s one thing we readily agree upon: these two groups can help each other. Depression, anxiety, isolation and other painful emotional issues cut across the age spectrum. But the reasons why people refrain from asking for help are often similar and are linked to the shame that our culture makes us feel about suffering from emotional pain. Children aren’t always comfortable talking to their parents, and parents aren’t trained in effective ways of opening communication with their children.
Grandparents, along with other older relatives and role models, can be a crucial source of support for young people, despite the geographical distances that often separate the generations. Furthermore, adolescent grandchildren need their grandparents just as much, if not more, than they did when they were in grade school.
According to Lee Meyerhoff Hendler, co-founder, with David Raphael, of the Jewish Grandparents Network, “Grandchildren and grandparents often form a powerful mutual admiration society.” Grandparents can serve as trusted confidants, and they also have a lifetime of wisdom to draw upon. And, particularly in our very ageist society, grandparents are really seen by their grandchildren — they don’t look through them. Grandparents are a hidden treasure in plain sight.”
There is a multiplicity of reasons for the mental health crisis. Our country is experiencing an acute shortage of mental health professionals, and many people who would otherwise access psychological services are unable to because of the associated financial burden, insurance company bureaucracy, geography (even with telehealth), language barriers and other issues.
Yet studies have shown that close bonds between grandchildren and grandparents produce a measurable benefit in terms of the mental health and wellbeing of both, making these relationships an often-overlooked piece of the puzzle in terms of ameliorating the mental health crisis.
Ilene Vogelstein lives in Baltimore; she serves as the current president of the Jewish Grandparents Network. Vogelstein points out that the more grandchildren know about their family history, the higher their sense of control over their own lives and the more resiliency they feel. This knowledge, she observes, “parallels the history of the Jewish people, how we survived trauma to strengthen ourselves.”
Vogelstein notes that our society is “reformulating the notion of family” in a host of different ways, to embrace gender, racial and other categories that we didn’t think about before — embracing people of all abilities, gender identities and race or ethnicity and extending to blended families in all sorts of configurations. She advocates for grandparents to be seen as a critical part of the redefinition of the family unit.
“Grandparents are also often the link to the wider Jewish community,” she concludes, “as affiliation rates to federations and other Jewish institutions have declined over time.”
“Who better than grandparents,” she asks, “to show young people the power and richness of community?”
Kate Greene, LSW, directs the Resiliency Roundtable as part of the BeWell initiative at the Jewish Federations of North America.
Shelley Rood Wernick is managing director of the Center on Holocaust Survivor Care and Institute on Aging and Trauma at Jewish Federations of North America.
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